First Love

“I trust the red sun setting,
the leafless November trees.
On Monday morning I look forward
fearlessly to Friday’s eve.
But humans are not as reliable
as nature, as trees.
I wonder if you’ll come back;
I trust only that you leave.”

― Ellen Wittlinger, Book: Hard Love

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Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about being fearless on her blog a few days back. I believe that in order for a person to live a full life, one must deal with one’s fears. Elizabeth wrote she does not believe in fearlessness.

I am fearful of many things but you would probably not know it if you see me. I am always identified as someone who is fearless. I don’t feel like I am.

When I am afraid of something or doing something or facing someone, I take time to talk to myself or have a conversation in my brain. To process the right thing to do, the pros and cons and the possible impact of whatever decision I make. I ask questions on whether I would be willing to take risks, or face the consequences of losing certain things, or lost respect from my peers for doing it or for not doing it.

When I own that, the fear is pushed aside. I am more motivated to do what I want to do and take responsibility for it. I am not fearless. I manage my fears. I am not always successful with it but every failure teaches me valuable lessons on how to do better. Choices are made every day to decide my daily direction. Sometimes I just fall apart but it is important to pick up the pieces, gather the fears, put it in a sachet and deprive it from consuming me.

I live with my fear. It made me do things I would never do, think more, be nicer to myself and made me more spiritual every day.

Visit Elizabeth Gilbert blog here: