“For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night,

For health and food, for love and friends,

For everything Thy goodness sends.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

2015-03-22 16.34.10


Coping With Loss

In the last few months, there have been many deaths of people I know and some famous people. I think death is something real and we have to learn to accept death as part of life. I do still struggle when dealing with death even when dealing with someone who is not close to me. I grew up without a mom, lost my dad when I was 13 and then lost my Grandfather and Grandmother in my 30’s. Every time there is death, I go into this mental processing mode on facts, feelings and spiritual healing.

I believe there is no right way or wrong way to personally deal with death. Individually we do our best to equip ourselves with possibility of any loss. The most important thing is to accept the differences and give a lot of understanding. The one thing not to do is to deny it will happen at any time. At some point, you have to start thinking about the preparation.

I do not know how I would cope with a loss the next time around. It could possibly be someone close. Although I feel I am always prepared, I think I would probably be in some deep sadness period. I pray I will pass that period gradually but fast. There are so many ways to learn on how to cope with a loss. I am certainly not an expert. I do feel at this point of my life, writing down the best way I handle loss is a way to share and reminds me when the time comes again. Below are what I prepare to face any loss…

  • Acknowledge how I feel.
    I think it is important to acknowledge how I feel. It is not how I should feel but what I am truly feeling. I do not want others to tell me what I should feel or how to feel. I must figure out what I am feeling on my own. By doing this, I concentrate on my own feelings and me. In the end, it is simpler. For as I heal, I help the people around me heal together.
  • Stay Healthy
    You can be sad and mad but stay healthy. There are cases where society plays an important role in this. How can she eat during this period? What other people think is no important. I know from experience that when I am not healthy I do not function well, miserable, unable to communicate or think clearly. When I am unhealthy, I am mentally unhealthy and will not be able to heal properly.
  • Good Support System
    This usually falls back to the closest people around me. Emotionally I do depend a lot on my friends as I only have one sibling. This is the part I worry the most, as I do not have a large support system. I hope they will be there to listen when I need them and encourage me to physically and emotionally heal (or smack me when I lost all hope!!). I think it is important to converse about loss with family members. I do ask myself some questions like how many aging people who are close to me and tell myself this is part of life. You love them but they will not live forever.
  • Faith
    For me, finding comfort and solace can only come from my faith. In every faith, there are methods one can learn to cope with a loss. I find that that being spiritually strong helps in the search of ways to mentally deal with all thoughts. Prayers and zikr can help to reduce stress. Sometimes it is good to talk with our religious teachers. Being closer to my Creator makes me calmer and able to think clearer.
  • Understand that healing takes time
    I find some time that people try to move on with their life too soon. They put aside their feelings, physical health and project a “strong” front. Discussion on the loss is required, if not it will possibly lead to depression. I do not want to be strong when all I feel is grief and sadness. All I want to do is deal with the grief and sadness. Cry if I want to. Take leave and be alone if that is what I feel to do. There is no target date to heal but remember the target is to cope with the loss and finally moving on.

Many experts talk about many stages of coping with loss. Usually it is the 5 stages:
a. Denial
b. Anger
c. Bargaining
d. Depression
e. Acceptance

The stage that I am afraid the most is the depression stage but those stages are not something that a person has to go through. It just varies from one person to another.

When we lose someone we love, we are face with many unexplained feelings, thoughts, questions, blame, anger, sadness and so much more. Although we say we cannot prepare for death, we have to accept death as part of life. We have to remember that it is more painful for those left behind; therefore, a little preparation will ease the loss.
Will it ever be enough? I do not know. I do the best I can with the knowledge I have.

Picture from:

Salt Body Scrub by Dr Neesa Amran

I have not seen Dr Neesa Amran for 3 years and we finally met up on Saturday Jan 31st. She has 2 children now and was still on maternity leave. It was good to see her although we do keep in touch via social media.

She gave me a jar of her homemade salt body scrub – Coconut Moroccan Rose. It smells heavenly. I have been using it quite often on my feet, knee and elbow. I just love the smell and the smooth feeling it leaves on my skin. The coconut oil makes my dehydrated skin very supple. Love, love, love the smell!! Good job, Neesa!

Now to order more scrubs!!

2015-02-07 16.36.32

Gratitude 002

Thankful for my health.

The last one week has been a roller coaster of low blood pressure daily. I did not miss any workday but missed one wedding invitation. Struggled to raise the blood pressure almost daily. It is now looking quite normal.

Health has always been something I am careful about. My husband is diabetic and it scares me. I want to stay healthy for him and my children.

Just When You Think You Are Healthy…

Has it already been 11 days since my last update? I have 3 drafts pending to post but this post though is more important.

Last week on the 15th, I decided to use the government free Medical Health Surveillance voucher. It is time for a health check anyway. I requested the doctor to also check my knee as I have felt a lot of pain going up the stairs. Guess what? I have 1st stage osteoarthritis. Not serious to worry but serious enough to review my lifestyle. Exercise methods have to change. Supplements and diets have to change.

And today, I receive the rest of the report. LDL cholesterol is not good. I have to seriously change my diet and find a way to exercise (ie cannot exercise using my knee).

Next week I will be seeing another doctor to go through in detail of what medication to take, supplements and specific exercises I must do. In the mean time, I will do some research on how I could eat better at home and work!

And I do feel thankful that I know it now and have time to actually do better because I thought I was doing pretty well.

Wish me luck….and if you are in the same situation like me….do share!!

Planned Neglect

It’s April and I am slowly getting less and less time to read, do housework or even be on time for anything. I don’t actually know how some people do it without good help around them. I do the best I can and that means a rather nasty looking home….I planned it though.

Last year I bought a few books by John C Maxwell. In one of the books, I discovered 2 magical words: Planned Neglect. Before I explain what I did, below is an extraction from the book. It is short and pretty easy to understand.

William James said that the art of being wise is the “art of knowing what to overlook.” The petty and the mundane steal much of our time. Too many of us are living for the wrong things.

Dr Anthony Campolo tells about a sociological study in which fifty people over the age of ninety-five were asked one question:”If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?” It was an open-ended question, and a multiplicity of answers constantly reemerged and dominated the results of the study. These were three answers:

  • If I had it to do over again, I would reflect more
  • If I had it to do over again, I would risk more
  • If I had it to do over again, I would do more things that would live on after I am dead

A young concert violinist was asked the secret of her success. She replied, “Planned neglect.” Then she explained, “When I was in school, there were many things that demanded my time. When I went to my room after breakfast, I made my bed, straightened the room, dusted the floor, and did whatever else came to my attention. Then I hurried to my violin practice. I found I wasn’t progressing as I thought I should, so I reversed things. Until my practice period was completed, I deliberately neglected everything else. That program of planned neglect, I believe, accounts for my success.


Book: The Maxwell Daily Reader, John C Maxwell, Page 303.

I think planned neglect is brilliant. There are some serious considerations though….you can’t neglect your children or a clean kitchen, your cats. You get what I mean. As I get nearer to some months which I know has many activities –  be it personal or work, I have a sense of what I would be facing. For example, this week I’ll be attending an external training which have a 90% chance to include a lot of reading, exercises, presentation and exams. I prepared the best I could during last weekend to make sure my home is all taken care. But this week, my full concentration shall be on my training.

It was really tough when I started but it needs courage to ignore or neglect. Once the neglect is complete, the next step is to pick up the “neglected” and bring it back to normality. That is another challenge by itself.

Plan to neglect today and put first things first!! Good Luck!!

In the meantime, maybe I’ll rearrange the kitchen stuff by category…….nahhhhhhh….