In My Arms

As I scatter rose petals onto the wet soil
I wonder if you are resting
I wonder if you can smell the roses
I wonder if you are well.

As I scatter the orchids on to the wet soil
I wonder if you know I am here
I wonder if you can feel my hand touching the soil
I wonder if you could see me.

As I raise my hands to pray
I wonder if you know how much I love you
I wonder if you can feel how weak I am
I wonder if you can see my heart.

My heart
Broken and mended
Wounded and healed
Broken and wounded repeatedly
Mended and healed repeatedly

I miss you, my first child
I will be there with you when the time is right
When the Almighty decides it is time
I know you will be waiting with a big smile
And you will once more be in my arms.

Nura
13th February 2015

It was really hard to be so far from my friend and not be able to be there in person to help her when she lost her son (her eldest). And it was harder to speak on the phone. I put myself in her position and as a mom; I would probably just want that time alone – me, my family and God.
There are no words or understanding or gestures which would make someone heal from such a tragedy in a short period of time. Heartbroken would be a word to use but it really does not explain how the heart feels and how physically exhausting it is.

May Allah bless you with solace, strength and steadfastness. May you find happiness daily. May your family be strong together.

I love you, Julie.

La Tahzan Innallaha Ma’ana
“Don’t be sad; indeed, Allah is with us.” [Surah At-Taubah: 9:40]

2015-02-13 18.28.10

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Don’t Impose Your Life On Me

I have met many people in my life who tries to live their life or rather define their life in a certain way. For me….I am not defined by the book I read. I am not defined by the places I go. I am not defined by the friends I am with. I am not define by the things around me. I am who I am because I experience all of it and have evolve to be who I am now.

We can quote and put up a motto, finally we still live a life the best we could. Some people can take trips without their spouses or children and that is okay. It gets to me that others are trying to coax me into doing that when I am clearly not interested in doing it.

At this age I do not need to be hip or free or doing something interesting, saying intelligent stuff or meeting new people just for the sake of meeting new people. I want to choose and pick. I want to do what I want to do. I do not want to be subjected to some “idea” and I will not allow anyone to make me feel bad on the choices I have made.

I remember at one time everyone was so into “Sex in the City” friendship. Friendship means coffee and food and sitting down for expensive lunches, be seen and what not. It still exist to this day. I respect that but friendship is really beyond that and if I have to be in a certain attire and eat a certain way, it is just not worth my friendship.

After a while it was about “Eat Love Pray”. Well…do it if you can afford it. If you are already in love, eat love pray at home is all you need. There is really nothing in the world that can make you love that person more. You can refresh your love just by being in your own garden daily. Not everyone can afford it and don’t do it when you know you can’t afford it.

Life should be simple. Do what you know, want, like and can do. Live like a King if you can afford it. It is your life. Just don’t impose that life to people around you. Choose and pick and no regrets. None.

I’d appreciate that you respect me by not imposing your way of life on me.

Friendship

It does not really matter whether you are 47 or 7 years old, we all have stories of friendship. The last few months have been a challenging, possibly mind-boggling friendship experience for me. It made me think about the value of friendship as I get older. I do believe that I have the same experience like most. But it does slightly bother me.

As I reach this age of physical change, kids leaving home and wondering where my career will lead me; I prefer a simple, straight forward uncomplicated friendship. As I thought over, I have been through a lot in my life. I want to be myself as much as I want to allow others to be themselves. I want to be respected as much as I respect others. Simple straightforward relationship.

It is imperative that friends understand that. If we are unable to accept the chips of a plate, then it is best to leave it. It could be valuable to someone else. Don’t break it to pieces just because you can’t stand the chip. For some, the chip is the most interesting feature. Parting ways would be the best. Remain as friends. Similar but not entirely the same.

I have one of the simplest non complicated good friends ever. I love her very much. I respect her a lot. I know she will be there for me when I most need her. We have chips, scars and injuries that we have accepted of one another. All those defines who we are and as time passes, chips become interesting, scars become reminders and injuries are healed.

I have a group of friends that I adore. They accept me for who I am – chips and all. In return I accept them for who they are – chips and all. We sometime discuss dirty dishes but hey…we have very strong soap.

I love you all….you know who you are.

Picture from http://sugru.com/blog/10-ways-to-refresh-vintage-finds-with-sugru (do be reminded friendship cannot be easily fixed using Sugru… 🙂 )